pheonix 99

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Published December 1, 2022 in

Phoenix on managing the Grief of LGBTQ+ Estrangement with ADHD & Autism

Episode 99

Phoenix talks about their grief following family estrangement because of their LGBTQ identity. This is a kind of disenfranchised grief that many LGBTQ+ people experience with little to no recognition or support from society. Life can change in an instant, yet the loss remains ambiguous because nobody has died. #ambiguousloss #disenfranchisedgrief

“I am white-anglo, living on unceded Turrbal and Jaggera lands in a place called Meanjin (colonially known as Brisbane, Australia). I am sighted, hearing, mostly able-bodied, monolingual, and in my mid-forties. I am queer, in a complex myriad of ways. My sexuality is fluid, currently asexual. I am polyamorous by orientation, and unpartnered by choice. The best words I can find for my gender are cisgender unwoman. I identify with the gender I was assigned at birth, but I reject its socially constructed strictures. I have what the DSM calls ADHD, though I prefer to depathologise this by calling it zoomy brain. I am autistic, but functionally allistic due to deeply internalised masking. I am a parent, and became so via my own body undergoing pregnancy and birth. My three children are now adults; two cisgender daughters and a trans/non-binary adult kid. Aside from my children, my kinship system is not biological, but consists of beloved friends and queerfamilial kin. I am a survivor of many and varied traumas. I am strong as fuck. I am fragile as cobweb. I am full of love. I am full of rage. I am kind.”

“I am currently building my new website “

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